My Grief

Grief is an open wound that never fully heals. We learn how to keep it from re-opening or how to live with the pain day in and day out. My Pet Death Doula journey helped me to heal a 6 year old wound. It’s still there, because like I said, grief never fully heals but I have a better understanding and perception of the wound now. I want to share my grief with you my readers so you can better understand where I came from and one of the reasons I chose to become a Pet Death Doula.

In 2016 I took my best friend of 15 years, Chompers, to my vet to be euthanized. I felt supported by the staff, they were kind and talked me through the euthanasia process. They didn’t rush me, and allowed me all the time I needed before and after the procedure. Memory around grief is funny and now that I’m thinking about it, I can’t recall who went with me that day. I know I didn’t go alone. It might have been my now-ex-spouse but I just can’t remember. I had other people around me who were good at comforting me after the fact but I was still raw, years later. 

I wish I had had a death doula to hold my hand during the procedure. Someone, other than the vet, to tell me I was doing the right thing. Post-death support from an experienced emotional ally might have saved me some suffering. It took me 6 years to be able to talk about Chompers without immediately crying. I’m tearing up now remembering his final days. Things I did that I feel helped me were to continue going to therapy and keep up with my selfcare. I got a tattoo for Chompers, a compass surrounded by forget-me-nots. While the things I did immediately following his death were helpful they weren’t exactly what I needed. I think I needed time to grow and learn more about death. I’m still learning and I hope I continue to learn every day. I miss my sweet friend but I know he’s always with me.