How To Plan Your Beloved Pets Living Wake Party

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When we as pet owners and fur parents receive the news that a beloved animal is nearing the end of their life, it may be expected. Sometimes the news comes as a blow which knocks the wind out of us. However we take the news we can decide how to proceed and consider ways to honor our animals memory. One such way is planning a farewell party or living wake. Just like such gatherings we hold for humans, it can be a way to celebrate the life of someone dear and it can offer closure. If you want to hold such a gathering you’ll find many service options, especially in the pet friendly city of Seattle. Here is an example plan which I used for my dog, Chompers, farewell party.

Guests:

Consider who you might invite to the gathering. Family members, Partners, Friends, Chosen Family, your Dog Walker, Cat Sitter, Groomer. Don’t forget your animal’s other (animal) friends. Think about who your pet has touched and made an impression on. 

Tone:

Decide what you want the tone of the gathering to be; celebratory or somber. Make sure you communicate the intended tone to all guests. Letting attendees know ahead of time can help but expect some guests (or yourself) to struggle with tears. 

Special Treat:

There are specialty bakeries that can create a gorgeous farewell cake for your companion. When an animal is near to death we can even oblige their interests in things like chocolate. A colleague of mine has written an article to this point which you may find interesting. In addition to a special animal treat, I provided something for the human guests as well.

Location:

If you have an adventurous animal, one who used to love to go places with you, you might think of hosting your gathering at a location the animal is familiar with such as a park. However, as our dear friends come closer to the end of their life their mobility and their sense of adventure are likely lower. Hosting the gathering in your home will allow your animal a sense of safety and familiarity. 

Photos:

Don’t forget to have someone (or multiple people) agree to take photos. Having photos to remind you of your animal’s special day can help you cope after their passing. If your budget allows hiring a professional pet photographer could make this part easier. 

Gifts for Guests:

If you have the bandwidth, think about giving your guests a trinket to remember the gathering and more importantly your animal. If your special animal is a dog or cat, you could consider giving paw prints using an ink pad and some watercolor or multi-medium art paper. This is a difficult time and you may not have the bandwidth for such a thing, that is ok. This is all optional and no one will judge you for anything you can’t do. I personally didn’t have the bandwidth for guest gifts. 

Take Time:

Remember to take the time to step back and appreciate this gathering. Look at the other souls your animal has touched. You are not alone, you will be able to ask any of these people for support in the coming days, weeks, months, years.  

If you are interested in planning a living wake or farewell party for your animal, please don’t hesitate to contact me for assistance. You don’t have to do it all alone.

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My Grief

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Grief is an open wound that never fully heals. We learn how to keep it from re-opening or how to live with the pain day in and day out. My Pet Death Doula journey helped me to heal a 6 year old wound. It’s still there, because like I said, grief never fully heals but I have a better understanding and perception of the wound now. I want to share my grief with you my readers so you can better understand where I came from and one of the reasons I chose to become a Pet Death Doula.

In 2016 I took my best friend of 15 years, Chompers, to my vet to be euthanized. I felt supported by the staff, they were kind and talked me through the euthanasia process. They didn’t rush me, and allowed me all the time I needed before and after the procedure. Memory around grief is funny and now that I’m thinking about it, I can’t recall who went with me that day. I know I didn’t go alone. It might have been my now-ex-spouse but I just can’t remember. I had other people around me who were good at comforting me after the fact but I was still raw, years later. 

I wish I had had a death doula to hold my hand during the procedure. Someone, other than the vet, to tell me I was doing the right thing. Post-death support from an experienced emotional ally might have saved me some suffering. It took me 6 years to be able to talk about Chompers without immediately crying. I’m tearing up now remembering his final days. Things I did that I feel helped me were to continue going to therapy and keep up with my selfcare. I got a tattoo for Chompers, a compass surrounded by forget-me-nots. While the things I did immediately following his death were helpful they weren’t exactly what I needed. I think I needed time to grow and learn more about death. I’m still learning and I hope I continue to learn every day. I miss my sweet friend but I know he’s always with me.

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Pet Loss Books for Kids

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As a Parent and teacher my mind often goes to the question of “What’s available for kids?”. When I began building a Doula library I started looking at books for kids first. Since I’m cautious about recommending a book until I’ve read it myself I went ahead and ordered two books that were well rated. Each of these books are written well and do a different job of explaining pet loss and the emotions that come with it. My 7 year old child read the books with me and agreed that these are “good books for kids”. The first book I ordered was written by Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers Neighborhood)! I have always been a fan of Mr. Rogers wondered what my child would think of a book written way back when I was a kid. I asked my daughter if she would like to read the book with me because I value her opinion. This book discusses the emotions we have when a pet dies, and the photos feature diverse families (for the 80’s). Representation is important, especially when we’re talking about emotions and how to process what is probably the first time a child experiences grief.

The next book I found was highly rated and once again I asked my daughter to read the book with me. This illustrated book follows the story of a boy whose dog passes away. This story doesn’t discuss emotions but is a cute way to introduce children to the concept of the Rainbow Bridge. My daughter enjoyed the story and thinks it will help other kids. This book was my 2nd purchase for my Doula library. I have one more book for kids on my list, this one is called “The Invisible Leash”. It’s well rated, illustrated and sounds like a good addition but I haven’t had a chance to order it yet. Have you read it or heard of it? Let me know what you think. I’ll continue looking for other books that would be helpful for kids, along with helpful books for adults.

If you have any recommendations please leave me a comment.

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